News item: (From the AP) "Houston Astros owner Drayton McLane is putting his franchise up for sale. The 74-year-old McLane said he's retained the New York investment firm Allen and Company to help him unload the team he purchased in November, 1992, for about $117 million."
The article went on to say that the winning bid for the Astros will be about $500 million.
Here is my plan:
About 1,000 people a week read my blog. If only half of my readers send in one million dollars, we will have bought ourselves a team. Reach into that mattress, sell your boats and airplanes, give up buying lunch for a a couple of weeks and raising the money will be easy.
The glass industry will own the team. If you haven't made up your mind yet, here is the clincher. My daughter, Jessica, suggested our new name for the team.
The Houston Glasstros.
It is perfect. What better use of your money could you find. There is no work in the industry, so you don't have to buy inventory. USGlass Magazine is free, so cut back on your subscriptions to every thing else. Shop at WalMart instead of Nieman Marcus this holiday season, and you'll have your million.
Each investor gets an autographed ball, two seats to a game of your choice, and in five years, when we sell the team to the Chinese government, you will double your money.
Drop me an email with your bank name and checking account number. I will then create a withdrawal for your million. If things are tight, you can request four payments, a week apart.
Yes, you have always wanted to own a big-league sports franchise, and now you can own one with all of your friends in the glass industry.
Play Ball!!!
Monday, November 29, 2010
Monday, November 22, 2010
A Conversation With A Wild Turkey
My blog readers know that Elaine and I live on the side of a mountain in rural New Hampshire. On Friday, I was leaving my driveway and ran into a major traffic jam. There was a whole herd of wild turkeys crossing the road in front of our house.
At least twenty turkeys were in line. Slowly walking across the street, one at a time. There were small ones, big ones, and ugly ones. Well, they were all ugly, but since they can't read this blog, I can say what I want. They were also cute, in an ugly sort of way.
So, this big one, at least twenty-five pounds, walks to the side of my car and says to me, "What's your rush...the family will be out of your way in a couple of minutes."
Surprised was I.
I told him I had never talked with a winged-turkey before. (There are definitely some human ones that have been in my life) He replied, "Usually, there is no reason for us to talk to humans, so we don't, but you look like you need someone to talk to." Elaine had been away for a week visiting a friend, and he was right...I needed someone to talk to.
I asked him which of the twenty turkeys were from his family. He replied, "They all were either his wives or his children." I guess that makes up for being called ugly.
Then it hit me, Thanksgiving was only a couple of days away. Now, we had seen packs of turkeys before, but they usually disappeared around this time of year. I asked him if he had seen a calendar lately. He responded, " Sure, you guys are having Thanksgiving soon, and I am taking the family to a secluded pond for the week. We don't like to be around humans this week. They always try to catch us, and I don't know what happens after that...no one from my family has ever come back to tell us." I asked him why humans thought turkeys were so dumb, since obviously, he was very smart and could talk.
He replied, "We don't want humans to bother us, so we just pretend to be disinterested." We talked about the Red Sox' chances for next year, and what the upcoming winter would be like.
As the last of his family crossed the road, he asked my what I did for a living. I replied that I am a consultant in the glass industry, and that I write for US Glass Magazine and write a weekly blog. He simply looked over his shoulder at me as he walked away and said.........
Ok readers, here is your chance...what did the turkey say to me...send your comments to me at paulbaseball@gmail.com and I will publish them next week. Go ahead...take your best shot. And have a great Thanksgiving.
At least twenty turkeys were in line. Slowly walking across the street, one at a time. There were small ones, big ones, and ugly ones. Well, they were all ugly, but since they can't read this blog, I can say what I want. They were also cute, in an ugly sort of way.
So, this big one, at least twenty-five pounds, walks to the side of my car and says to me, "What's your rush...the family will be out of your way in a couple of minutes."
Surprised was I.
I told him I had never talked with a winged-turkey before. (There are definitely some human ones that have been in my life) He replied, "Usually, there is no reason for us to talk to humans, so we don't, but you look like you need someone to talk to." Elaine had been away for a week visiting a friend, and he was right...I needed someone to talk to.
I asked him which of the twenty turkeys were from his family. He replied, "They all were either his wives or his children." I guess that makes up for being called ugly.
Then it hit me, Thanksgiving was only a couple of days away. Now, we had seen packs of turkeys before, but they usually disappeared around this time of year. I asked him if he had seen a calendar lately. He responded, " Sure, you guys are having Thanksgiving soon, and I am taking the family to a secluded pond for the week. We don't like to be around humans this week. They always try to catch us, and I don't know what happens after that...no one from my family has ever come back to tell us." I asked him why humans thought turkeys were so dumb, since obviously, he was very smart and could talk.
He replied, "We don't want humans to bother us, so we just pretend to be disinterested." We talked about the Red Sox' chances for next year, and what the upcoming winter would be like.
As the last of his family crossed the road, he asked my what I did for a living. I replied that I am a consultant in the glass industry, and that I write for US Glass Magazine and write a weekly blog. He simply looked over his shoulder at me as he walked away and said.........
Ok readers, here is your chance...what did the turkey say to me...send your comments to me at paulbaseball@gmail.com and I will publish them next week. Go ahead...take your best shot. And have a great Thanksgiving.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Drugs For The Glass Industry
Here I was in Atlanta, having dinner with my best friend Chuck Kaplanek, and he asked me about the health of the glass business. I told him that our industry is indeed sick and weak. He off-handidly commented, "It's a shame we can't sell drugs to help the industry."
I remembered his comment and when I returned to my hotel, I did a computer search for drugs to help the glass industry. Here is what I found....
I remembered his comment and when I returned to my hotel, I did a computer search for drugs to help the glass industry. Here is what I found....
- UValium---taken to calm down contract glaziers when an architect specifies soft-coat performance but prices the estimate at hard-coat pricing.
- Glassacillin---prescribed to prevent infection when your best customer puts a knife in your back.
- Glazierproxine---works on the stubborn heartburn you get when your lead glazier won't work overtime to finish a project.
- Lamitrine---a proven headache pain reducer that you often get when the bullet-resistant glass you ordered comes in one inch too large.
- Oshaphetamine---reduces rapid heart beat and excessive sweating condition after a shop worker gets a three-stitch cut and wants to call his lawyer and OSHA.
- Arefactorine---a very strong stress reliever that can be used after studying charts with very small print size and confusing directions on how to read the chart.
- Tempofane---reduces your back pain after installing an over sized light of tempered glass, only to have it shatter when you place the final stop.
- Floataproz---reduces high blood pressure when you receive the latest round of price increases.
- Fenestrataphine---cures blurry vision caused by looking at microscopic defects in glass on the third floor of a building that can only be seen on a sunny day around 4:00pm.
- Closercet---taken by door mechanics to alleviate the arthritis pain caused by adjusting the same closer three times a week for a fussy customer.
- Measureprostinate---glass shop owners take this medicine to prevent their hands from shaking and trembling when they find that their glaziers measured an opening with a worn out tape measure that is 1/4" short.
- Alumocodeine---an addictive pain medicine to be used when your shop crew cuts all the miters backwards on a big job.
- Driveroxorine---an over the counter drug, usually taken as a stress reliever by glass truck drivers given the wrong directions to a job site.
- Viagraset---relieves depression when failing to set an IG unit on the third floor of a building because your lift only goes to the second floor.
- Worldseriesium---taken once a year by over three million Chicago Cubs fans as an anxiety reliever. Paid for by most insurance companies as a medical necessity. Also desperately needed by New York Mets fans and available on the street in Times Square.
Monday, November 8, 2010
You Will Increase Your Profit and Your Employee Moral By Reading This Blog
Yep, you will.
What, you want the details of this too-good-to-be-true offer? Why, just a couple of weeks ago I wrote a blog that says don't believe anything that sounds too-good-to-be true.
But you can trust me, can't you?
After all, I predicted the Mets would win the World Series this year (and last year). You can believe me.
So here is the plan. I am working on a new employee benefit package for one of my consulting clients and introduced the company to a Flexible Spending Account. This is one of the greatest benefits that has ever been created by the US Congress. (What is the opposite of progress?....It is congress, yuk, yuk, yuk)
It is simple---your employees put aside a fixed amount of money, from $100 to $2500 annually, through payroll deduction. This reduces their tax bite. For instance, Gary Glazier puts in $100 a month, he saves roughly 20-25% (based on his individual tax status), or about $240-$300 per year. He gets to spend the entire $1200 on prescriptions, doctor's co-pays, medical devices, and a whole list of eligible items from band-aids to eyeglasses. (Google 'FSA Eligible Expenses' to see complete lists of allowed items)
Now it's your turn. Because the employees reduce their taxable income, you reduce your tax bite as well. You will save 7.65% on each dollar of payroll placed in the plan. $76.50 for every thousand of payroll. This is the FICA plus the medicare tax.
You save, the employee saves and your employees are happy that you have created this plan for them. It is a no-lose for all. Except, there is some fine print. You will incur a one-time set up fee and have a small monthly cost for the plan. The company I just set up has twenty-two employees, incurred first year fees of $1800, and will continue to have fees of about $800 per year. They will be saving about $4300 per year, and their employees think this is the greatest thing since peanut butter.
If any employee spends their full amount before the end of the year, and leaves you, you will be on the hook for the difference, and if an employee doesn't spend their full amount, you gain the difference. These are usually offsetting in most companies.
Here is the most important thing...talk to your insurance agent or your payroll company to set this up. You can shop around on the net, but professional advice is best. There are options that cover dependent care (like child care while you are working) or elder care, if you take care of your parents. In these cases, the $2500 limit can be raised. You can also set up a plan that pays employee commuting expenses, like bus, train or parking expenses. Remember, each time the employee saves, you save too. There are different ways for the employee to spend the money; look for one that gives each employee a debit card and requires no paperwork. That will be the easiest for you to manage.
If you are providing a plan like this to your employees, you probably have not read this far. So, if you are still reading, think about this for January first. I guarantee that after your insurance agent describes it to your employees, they will love it. Now is the time to set it up.
What, you want the details of this too-good-to-be-true offer? Why, just a couple of weeks ago I wrote a blog that says don't believe anything that sounds too-good-to-be true.
But you can trust me, can't you?
After all, I predicted the Mets would win the World Series this year (and last year). You can believe me.
So here is the plan. I am working on a new employee benefit package for one of my consulting clients and introduced the company to a Flexible Spending Account. This is one of the greatest benefits that has ever been created by the US Congress. (What is the opposite of progress?....It is congress, yuk, yuk, yuk)
It is simple---your employees put aside a fixed amount of money, from $100 to $2500 annually, through payroll deduction. This reduces their tax bite. For instance, Gary Glazier puts in $100 a month, he saves roughly 20-25% (based on his individual tax status), or about $240-$300 per year. He gets to spend the entire $1200 on prescriptions, doctor's co-pays, medical devices, and a whole list of eligible items from band-aids to eyeglasses. (Google 'FSA Eligible Expenses' to see complete lists of allowed items)
Now it's your turn. Because the employees reduce their taxable income, you reduce your tax bite as well. You will save 7.65% on each dollar of payroll placed in the plan. $76.50 for every thousand of payroll. This is the FICA plus the medicare tax.
You save, the employee saves and your employees are happy that you have created this plan for them. It is a no-lose for all. Except, there is some fine print. You will incur a one-time set up fee and have a small monthly cost for the plan. The company I just set up has twenty-two employees, incurred first year fees of $1800, and will continue to have fees of about $800 per year. They will be saving about $4300 per year, and their employees think this is the greatest thing since peanut butter.
If any employee spends their full amount before the end of the year, and leaves you, you will be on the hook for the difference, and if an employee doesn't spend their full amount, you gain the difference. These are usually offsetting in most companies.
Here is the most important thing...talk to your insurance agent or your payroll company to set this up. You can shop around on the net, but professional advice is best. There are options that cover dependent care (like child care while you are working) or elder care, if you take care of your parents. In these cases, the $2500 limit can be raised. You can also set up a plan that pays employee commuting expenses, like bus, train or parking expenses. Remember, each time the employee saves, you save too. There are different ways for the employee to spend the money; look for one that gives each employee a debit card and requires no paperwork. That will be the easiest for you to manage.
If you are providing a plan like this to your employees, you probably have not read this far. So, if you are still reading, think about this for January first. I guarantee that after your insurance agent describes it to your employees, they will love it. Now is the time to set it up.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Keep Politics Out Of Your Company
Tea Party. Tax and Spend. Free Speech. Rallies in Washington. The Chamber of Commerce. Freedom of Choice. The Budget. The War. (Is there still a war?) Rush and Glenn. Barak and Nancy. Are you sick of it yet? By the time you read this blog, the election will be over and as a country, we will move on to the new rules of the game.
Following politics is great fun along with serious thoughts. If anyone chooses to ignore the current state of affairs, they are leaving their future to be decided by others. OK, what the heck does this have to do with the glass business?
Nothing.
Yes, you business should have nothing to do with politics. You should keep your personal opinions just that---personal. If you like party A, promoting it at your workplace, and some of your employees like party B, they will realize that their hard work for your profits are going to support party A. This will definitely impact some workers.
Don't spread your politics at work. Don't put bumper stickers on your trucks. Just about half of your customers will disagree with your politics. When they go to the yellow pages or to the net looking up a glass company, and if they remember seeing your truck and its bumper sticker, you won't get a call. This is absolutely true and will impact your business.
If you wear a campaign button on your jacket when you go on an estimate, half of your customers won't call you back. If you see a lawn sign or a bumper sticker for your candidate, then certainly, discuss your common thoughts. But, be careful, one spouse's opinion may be different than the other. Tread lightly in this area.
If you make public donations to a candidate or a party, do it in your personal name and not in the name of your company.
Don't try to influence your employees to vote for A or B. What you can do is encourage them to vote. Give an extra half hour in the morning or evening, or at lunch for people to vote. If you want to educate your employees, give out neutral literature from guaranteed neutral sites, like the League of Women Voters.
You might think there are causes that will help your business...like a bond issue to improve a downtown area. You may want to work for its passage but don't do it where it will be visible to your staff. If you can take time to work on an issue, why aren't you out there drumming up business that will bring in more work. Most people will be upset rather than taking the long view that it will help your company in the long run.
Many companies will accept posters to go in their storefront windows. Look carefully before you say OK. Promoting a fund raiser at the local hospital is wonderful, putting an issue or a candidate's flyer up will raise eyebrows.
What can you do to have your business support the election of your candidate? Take money out in your name, and then donate that money as an individual. Donate your personal services for call-outs or take a day off and hand out flyers. Discuss your candidates/issues with your friends and family, not your employees and customers. Be sure to vote...it is the loudest voice you can have.
Following politics is great fun along with serious thoughts. If anyone chooses to ignore the current state of affairs, they are leaving their future to be decided by others. OK, what the heck does this have to do with the glass business?
Nothing.
Yes, you business should have nothing to do with politics. You should keep your personal opinions just that---personal. If you like party A, promoting it at your workplace, and some of your employees like party B, they will realize that their hard work for your profits are going to support party A. This will definitely impact some workers.
Don't spread your politics at work. Don't put bumper stickers on your trucks. Just about half of your customers will disagree with your politics. When they go to the yellow pages or to the net looking up a glass company, and if they remember seeing your truck and its bumper sticker, you won't get a call. This is absolutely true and will impact your business.
If you wear a campaign button on your jacket when you go on an estimate, half of your customers won't call you back. If you see a lawn sign or a bumper sticker for your candidate, then certainly, discuss your common thoughts. But, be careful, one spouse's opinion may be different than the other. Tread lightly in this area.
If you make public donations to a candidate or a party, do it in your personal name and not in the name of your company.
Don't try to influence your employees to vote for A or B. What you can do is encourage them to vote. Give an extra half hour in the morning or evening, or at lunch for people to vote. If you want to educate your employees, give out neutral literature from guaranteed neutral sites, like the League of Women Voters.
You might think there are causes that will help your business...like a bond issue to improve a downtown area. You may want to work for its passage but don't do it where it will be visible to your staff. If you can take time to work on an issue, why aren't you out there drumming up business that will bring in more work. Most people will be upset rather than taking the long view that it will help your company in the long run.
Many companies will accept posters to go in their storefront windows. Look carefully before you say OK. Promoting a fund raiser at the local hospital is wonderful, putting an issue or a candidate's flyer up will raise eyebrows.
What can you do to have your business support the election of your candidate? Take money out in your name, and then donate that money as an individual. Donate your personal services for call-outs or take a day off and hand out flyers. Discuss your candidates/issues with your friends and family, not your employees and customers. Be sure to vote...it is the loudest voice you can have.
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