New Year's Wishes and Resolutions

MEMO

TO: Everyone in Glassland

From: The Resolution Keeper

Subject: New Year's Wishes and Resolutions--January 09

The High Council has decided on the regulations for resolutions and wishes this year from resolvers involved in the glass industry. Please follow these guidelines:

• Business will not come in the door just because you ask the Council
• The energy surcharge will not, repeat not, disappear, not matter how much you beg
• For every five pounds you resolve to lose, the council will grant a one percent increase in sales
• We will honor all requests to reduce telephone sales calls for office supplies
• Under no circumstances can we sink any ships coming to the US from China
• We will consider your requests, on a case-by-case basis, for improvements in your accounts receivables, provided you get all credits issued on a timely basis
• No, we will not allow the invention of a portable tempering oven to be sold by CRL for under $10,000
• Lyle, stop asking for more publicity for Chicago...you got enough this year already
• We will randomly award ten shops around the country a free parking pass, making all parking tickets disappear without paying...apply now for one of the ten passes
• If you resolve to quit smoking, and do so for three months, you will be given a new source of tempered glass that does know how to affix the proper labels to glass
• Sorry, the Council has no authority to meddle into either the Cubs or the Mets
• We do have the power to intervene in your worker's comp rates, but you really have to offer something great in your resolution
• We cannot move the National Glass Show to a northern city so you don't have to travel...are you crazy?
• Even if you hold your breath until you turn blue, we cannot stop the consolidation in the auto glass industry...we tried already, but we were too late
• If you succeed in your resolution not to swear at work for two months, you will get the Macy's contract at the mall
• If you ask nicely, Bill in the shipping department will retire in June
• If enough of you ask for the same thing, we will do it...after all, look what we did for gas prices in the last couple of months
• For Sam in Springfield, we cannot get you a ticket to the inauguration...you voted for the other guy anyway
• Dear Deb, yes it is worth it