I Want A Do-Over With Conan's Lawyer

Conan O'Brien was given somewhere around $35,000,000 to retire from the NBC Tonight Show. He worked there seven months and worked on The Late Show for fifteen years. He can't work in the industry for seven months.

In 2005, I retired from Oldcastle Glass in Hauppauge, NY; they honored my contract perfectly, and were above board on everything. Nonetheless, I want a do-over.

Everyone is entitled to one do over in his or her life. Some people take it early, when they try to say they were safe sliding into second base. Other guys, maybe on their first date, want to retry their first kiss. Once you use your do-over, it is gone. You can't get extras, and you can't buy someone else's on ebay. When I played little league, I was such a slow runner that I knew I was out at second. My first kiss, with a girl named Mollie, was so bad, rather than doing over, I would prefer just to forget it forever.

So, here I am. I still have my do over. There is a classic 'Twilight Zone' first aired on October 18, 1963, called "A Kind Of A Stopwatch", that allows a man in a bar to stop time. He ends up driving himself crazy, because when he stops time, he has no one to talk to. I promise not to drive myself crazy.

I promise not to change history. All I want is the stopwatch and Conan's lawyer.

Let's look at the facts. I worked for Floral Glass and Mirror for twenty years, which is five years longer than Conan worked on The Late Show. When Oldcastle Glass purchased our company, I stayed for one year during the transition, which is 40% longer than Conan worked on the Tonight Show. I stayed out of the glass industry for one year, again 40% longer than Conan will have to. Where is the parity here? I want my do-over to renegotiate my contract with Oldcastle Glass.

I know that this is very fair, and I am sure, that upon reading this column, the leadership of Oldcastle Glass will gladly ante up the extra tens of millions to accommodate my do-over.

Mark McGwire and the Glass Industry

I must really be hurting on subjects for this blog if I have to stoop to cheap headlines like this. Mark McGwire doesn't know what float glass is anymore than I can hit a fast ball out of the park.

So What Gives?

Do you ever have an employee leave you and then at some point in the future, reapply to work for you? What do you do?

If you have black-and-white policy, such as never rehire, you may be depriving yourself of good talent. You should look at returning talent just as seriously as you would an initial hire.

While running my company, we had a history of taking back former employees, and were almost always ahead of the game. I got burned on a couple of occasions that prove the rule about a tiger and his stripes, but for the most part, Ralph Returner did a great job.

Let's look at why:

• When Ralph comes back and asks to work for you again, he knows all the problems and the good parts of your firm. Ralph is telling you the good outweigh the bad. In your interview, ask Ralph what these points are. You will get the best answers ever in learning these points about your company.
• Why did Ralph come back, after all. Did he think the grass was greener, and learn that it wasn't? Did he come back slightly humbled and understanding that there is no place like home? This is a great time to rehire Ralph, as he will tell your current crop of malcontents that your company is the best one out there. If he went out there saying he was going to start his own business; putting you out of business. He won't come back to you too quickly. Most people with that attitude won't admit their failure. They will go onto other fields. But the ones that do come back, and can act professionally about, will be great assets.
• What if you had to fire Ralph? And now he is back. Look back and review the incidents. Was it a serious problem, or something that gets forgotten with a little time? Was it Ralph's pride, or maybe yours, getting in the way of good business decisions? If that is the case, hire him now.
• Of course, if Ralph stole from you, intentionally hurt someone, drove your truck drunk, or any of a whole litany of bad things, you are not going to rehire. The people we are talking about in this blog are those that don't make into your top ten worst employee list.
• Think back to when Ralph left...was he a gentleman and did he give you proper notice? Did he help train his replacement? By all means, if he did leave on a good note, hire him. Working in a glass company is not guaranteed to be a job for life. People will always want to see what else life offers, and all you can do is wish them good luck. If Ralph comes back, he has learned you are a good company. He has the potential to become your best employee from then on.

There are many good reasons for someone to leave your shop...maybe a conflict in working hours with their spouse, or a chance to join a family business. Whatever the reason, keep an open mind, and if you do get the opportunity to rehire, do it.

New Government Regulations Can Hit Glass Shops

Yes, it is true, the new regulations can have a very strong influence on glass shops around the country if you do business with any branch of government. After the attempted airline bombing on Christmas Day, all glass workers entering secure job sites, schools, airports, train and bus stations and private homes within thirty miles of any of the above, are going to be involved in underwear checking.

From various sources, none of whom can be named, I have learned the procedure:

At each covered location, there will be an inspector from the UID (Underwear Inspection Division) of the government. Each glass shop worker will have to show his underwear and be subject to a search. It should take no more than a minute, one source said. For the moment, only men will be searched.

Sounds simple, doesn't it. My extensive research of the glass industry has shown me the problems that will exist:

• 12% of our workers don't wear underwear. In these cases the inspection goes to an in-depth search.
• 9% of men wear women's underwear. These men will have quicker search, as it is harder to hide explosives in a thong.
• 43% of workers in Chicago, Minneapolis and Cleveland wear long johns in the winter. This inspection will take longer, obviously. Be sure to allow for extra time in your work schedule.
• 8% of workers wear an athletic supporter. Rules are still being formed for this, but my sources tell me supporters won't be exempted from the inspection.

What can a glass shop owner do?

• Before your men leave the shop, have your inspection so there will be no surprises at the job site.
• Give a fresh pair of underwear, every day, to all workers. This may be expensive, but will save you in the long run with reduced inspection time. Pay 50% of the cost of the long johns.
• Hire only women.
• Buy stock in Hanes and BVD.
• Read Paul's blog every week to keep up on the changing regulations.

The only comment on the record is from Mollie, one of the inspectors in the New Hampshire Division of the UID, "I will be checking every man in my region making sure his underwear only contains what it should."

I, for one, am proud of the glass industry workers who will drop everything for the sake of safety.

You Just Have To Try Calling Your Own Company

For a while now I have been working on a project calling hundreds of glass shops, fabricators and companies related to the glass industry. It was unbelievable how poor the initial contact was. If I were a customer, I would have skipped to the next yellow pages listing.

Let's break this down into some basic areas:

Electronic/Automated Answering. This can be very helpful when used right. Here's what was wrong:

• Companies that made you listen to a ten or fifteen second commercial before letting you enter your party's extension. It is OK after you are on hold.
• Systems that took two or more prompts to get the search function for specific people.
• Companies that did not allow you to speak to a person if you hit 'zero'.
• When you reach the right extension, and there is no answer, there should be two options--leave a message or speak to another specific person.
• When leaving a message you only get thirty seconds. If that is the case, tell me in advance so I don't get cut off mid-sentence.
• Being forced to listen to hard rock while you are on hold. Or opera, or whatever you don't like.
• Listening to the weather forecast for San Diego, when you have two feet of snow on the ground in New Hampshire.
• Announcements done by someone with such a poor speaking voice that the words cannot be understood. It is cute to have your three year old granddaughter do the recorded announcement, but it is really poor business.
• We are in the glass industry, not writers for Letterman. He doesn't install curtainwall, we shouldn't tell jokes while on hold.

What to do? Have a ten year old call your company and see if she/he can navigate the system easily. If not, start over.

If your company services a customer base which is not fluent in English, give an option to speak in their language. If you believe in English only, good for you. I will watch you close your doors as your enlightened competition more adequately services the marketplace.

Real Person Answering. The problems here were astounding.

• Slow Down would be the number one rule. Most of the people who answered the phone spoke so fast, I couldn't understand them. There is no award for the fastest phone talker...wait a minute...we can make one up, and call it the "phony".
• Answer clearly, with diction. If Rita or Ralph Receptionist has a strong regional accent, and takes calls from around the country, you need to supply diction training. Many times I had to ask two or three times if I dialed the correct number.
• Have your receptionist practice doing two things at once...for instance, talking on the phone and writing down a name. How many times did Ralph Receptionist have to come back and ask my name again, so they could put the call through.
• Make sure Rita Receptionist knows every person in the company or has an accurate directory. Many times, when I asked for a specific person, Rita had to yell to someone else, asking if and where my contact worked. Rita should be bright enough to figure out, if I ask for Mollie Pooch, that it could be Polly Pooch.
• Have Rita tell the caller she is transferring the call or putting the caller on hold. There were many receptionists who put me in queue for the person with no announcement. I didn't know if I was cutoff or waiting for Rita to get back on the phone.
• Ralph doesn't need to tell me his life story, but he should project a smile through the phone. When you hire your phone receptionist, look for this quality.
• In many companies, the person nearest the phone answers. Now it is an interruption of his or her work; this is not how you want to treat customers. Teach all people who answer your phones to treat every call like it is a potential new customer.

And now for you. Let's think about the person calling you.

• Answer the phone with your name; as in "This is Mike,", or just "Mike". By doing this you will save minutes every day. If you answer just, "Hello" the person says "I would like to speak to Mike, is he available?", and you say, "this is Mike." Fifteen seconds a call times all of your incoming calls really does ad up.
• It is great to hear a message saying "This is Mike, and I will be out of the office, today, the fifth of January." If you start this procedure, please follow through each and every day. Nothing says incompetence more than the above greeting being played on Wednesday the sixth. Also, please leave the name or extension number of who can pinch-hit for you.

For the grand finale--call yourself from an outside phone. See how easy it is to get through. If Rita asks too many questions about the call, or is impolite, this is when you will hear it, not when you stand next to her in the office. If your voice would be recognized, have a friend call, with you listening in. My bet is you won't believe your ears. Try to get some information about buying a product. Won't you be peeved when you are told no one is here to help, and Rita doesn't ask how to get back to you. Or Ralph says you don't carry the product, and doesn't make an alternate suggestion.

This is a great learning exercise about your own business. Good luck.