Why Does A Duck Need A Raincoat?

Because it keeps them dry when it rains. I bet you knew that all along.

You see, I bought my wife a duck with a raincoat to put in her collection of ducks in the bay window. (Of course, you, too, have such a collection, I'm sure.) It is adorable, silly, and we don't have another one like it.

I have been in thousands of glass shops, and every single one seems to have a duck in a raincoat.

Look around your shop. You will see pieces of this, cutoffs of that, samples galore and half finished jobs that will never be restarted because the customer's deposit check bounced. Look in your showroom for displays of products that you no longer sell. Search through your own display window to pull out the faded literature and signs. Look at your trucks, and throw away every rock-hard half used tube of silicone. If you throw away 500 pounds of broken glass and short metal pieces from the back of your truck, you will pick up two miles per gallon. Take that to the bank.

If we declare January to be "The National Glass Industry Fill Your Dumpster Month", your shops will be cleaner, your safety record will improve because you deep-sixed the clutter, and your crews will be more productive.

Update your show room with products you sell now, not what you sold three years ago. The items in your showroom or near your cash register should be the ones that you make the most profit on. Put your weakest profit items in the farthest part of the store.

As for the Ducks with Raincoats in your store, put 'em out in the rain, wish them good luck, and go back to work.

The Very Old Old Fruitcake

It was brown speckled with pieces of red and green fruit. It had been in our family for thirty five years, and must have been a lot older than that. I was sure. It was given to Elaine's Mom in 1974, and when she closed her apartment and moved into the assisted living center, we inherited her stuff, most especially the fruit cake.

Each year Elaine's Mom would put the fruit cake on the dining room table, but no one ever asked for a piece. We are all chicken--except for Jessie who is a vegetarian. But each year at the end of dinner, the fruit cake would go back into the red and green tin, and wait to see daylight again in 365 days.

We keep it in the attic in our house, along with the rest of Mom's stuff. We never named it, for you don't want a personal relationship with something that you may eat one day.

Year after year, not one of us had the courage to ask for a piece.

This year we gained a family member, Mollie, who is just about the world's greatest dog. She is a half yellow lab and half golden retriever. She seems to have the best qualities of both dogs. She listens like she understands english, she doesn't beg for people food, and she has never gone to the bathroom in the house. She hugs everyone who comes into the house, after thirty seconds of barking, and loves to have the top of her scratched. We limit the scratching to three hours per day, but she always asks for more.

We had our annual family holiday dinner last night. We set the table, cooked the turkey and had everything ready. Sitting in the living room, by the fireplace, we heard a strange noise from the dining room. It was a cross between a whimper and a laugh coming from Mollie. She had jumped up on a chair, and stretched out to the table. In her mouth was the very old fruitcake. As much as a dog can smile, Mollie was smiling. She had taken one large bite out of the fruit cake and it was miracle...she was still alive.

We talked about this for an hour. What to do with our tradition? What to do with Mollie when she went into convulsions? What to do next year?

We cut off the part that Mollie had started, and cut the remaining part into 14 pieces and gave everyone a taste of the fruit cake. It turned out to be pretty good, in fact it was downright great.

Mollie, old girl, thanks for showing us that we shouldn't be afraid of regifted fruit cake, that we should try new things, and that dogs can smile.

What does this have to do with the glass industry? Not a darn thing. Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah, Joyous Kwanzaa, and a healthy, prosperous and happy New Year to my readers.

The Top Ten Glass Shop Holiday Mistakes

The Holidays in December are festive and joyous, religious and solemn, and give many business owners, even glass company owners, great opportunities to really screw up. Here are the Top Ten Mistakes for you to avoid this Holiday season.

10. Know your holidays. Everyone does not celebrate Christmas. Kwanzaa goes from 12/26 to 1/1; Chanukah from 12/11 to 12/18. Many followers of Eastern religions and Muslims don't celebrate Christmas. Look at your customer base and plan accordingly. This doesn't mean do nothing..."Happy Holidays", or "Season's Greetings" work for all folks.

9. Don't stay open after noon on Thursday, 12/24 or Thursday, 12/31. Your employees minds are elsewhere, safety is an issue, and unless you sell holiday presents, you are not going to do any business.

8. Stop the tradition of giving booze to your customers and employees. If you can't think of something specific for a gift, give a generic gift card. You can always make a donation to a favored charity in honor of specific customers. Most charities will send an acknowledgement to your customer.

7. Don't confuse personality and performance when giving out holiday bonuses. The smiling kid is probably not more valuable than the grumpy foreman in the shop.

6. When giving a check under $25.00, you don't have to take out taxes. Giving a check for $21.37, after taxes, looks odd.

5. Never lay-off or fire an employee in the last two weeks of December. It makes you into "Scrooge". Even if the employee deserves it. If, for instance, he started a fight, suspend him without pay until January 1st, and then terminate him.

4. Don't buy yourself a new car or take a vacation, and then say there are no holiday checks because of the economy. Even when there are tax advantages to buying that truck or the new edger, wait until mid-January or beyond to take delivery.

3. At your holiday party, avoid touching or hugging employees in an unprofessional way. Do not allow mistletoe as that will make some people uncomfortable, and make some people into fools.

2. Don't give an employee a promised or scheduled raise and then call it a holiday gift.

1. Do not allow any alcohol to be consumed in your shop under any circumstances. There are too many chances for an injury to occur. If you want to have a drink with your employees, go to a restaurant or bar nearby.

Now I Can Tell The True Story

I had been sworn to secrecy years ago. When she first crashed the gate at the Glass Show on Long Island. But now, with it all over the news, and Congress investigating, the full story can be told.

The year---2007.

The place---The Wind Watch Hotel, on Long Island, NY

The event---The Glass Expo

The facts---I was the volunteer greeter at the front of the exhibition hall. Welcome everyone in, answer questions, and check their badges for counterfeits. It seems that some people from the plastics industry were trying to gain access to our glass show, with their evil plan to replace glass with plastic everywhere.

"Hi Jim, Hi Bob," I was saying, when she appeared from around the corner. Tall, slinky thin, long straight blond hair, a long black dress with a slit that never stopped going north, and a little too much make-up for the Glass Expo. I guessed right away she was not a windshield installer.

We had been briefed by Deb Levy to watch out for this nefarious group. They tried to disrupt the Chicago Expo a couple of months earlier. But, I was all alone at the door. What if I was wrong, and insulted a real customer? What if I let her in, and she started talking about unbreakable glazing material? Once those seeds are planted, you could see the industry withering up. What should I do?

She approached me at the door. Her perfume announced her presence from eight paces. Some would have thought it was a little too much...I just breathed in and let my lungs have a party. Her smile said it all..."Here I am buddy, take a look, have a dream, and then get out of my way." I pulled my stare from her blue eyes to the name badge pinned on her rather large....

Belt, her large belt held her name tag. It said 'Lola', with no last name. The company was listed as "Lola's Consulting". I knew that you never trust a consultant. My antenna was twitching. Her husky voice called out to me, "Hi there, is the right place to enter the glass industry show? I would like to look around." I couldn't stop staring, her smile seemed painted on, her dress' slit still heading north. I didn't look at the badge close enough, and could only stammer, "Sure, go ahead."

Lola walked around the show, handing out her card, getting her picture taken with various owners of glass companies, spreading her story that one day soon, glass will be obsolete. Yet, no one heard her words.

The next day, on Lola's face book page, there was a picture of her along with the smiling owner of the largest contract glazier in the region. The glazier's wife, Marie, received an e-mailed copy from her sister. Marie took out her shotgun and asked her husband who the dame was who had her arm around him. He just couldn't speak. He didn't even remember meeting her at the show, all evidence to the contrary.

Lola had succeeded in causing grief to the glass industry. That was her job, and she did it well.

You know how they say that"......flows down hill". Well, I was the downhill. I let her in the show, on what now appeared to be a false name tag. I didn't do my job, and was told that I could not volunteer again. How could I tell my wife and kids that bad news. Maybe I could just forget about it. I tried, to no avail.

Now, I wonder what Lola said to Vice-President Biden and even to President Obama.

The results---Door-keepers of future Glass Expos, be warned: Lola is still out there.